Listening in to the governor’s thoughts
Stealth journalistic moves have placed in my possession the private memoir journal of Gov. Susana Martinez, the book wherein she records her innermost thoughts. We listen in on the governor when she has a very special visitor.
(After another trying day, the governor reclines on fluffy pillows, reflecting on her humble origins guarding El Paso parking lots.)
Okay, let me rest my weary head a couple of minutes and settle the mind. Thank goodness election day is near. They keep yapping at me to do more for Janice Arnold-Jones and Heather Wilson, but I’ve got a full plate and they look like they are toast anyway.
So, what was my day like? Oh, yes, another session reading to a kindergarten class. One little kid threw up on my new shoes. But it’s part of the job and, truth is, I like hanging out with the young kids.
It’s the old kids who are giving me problems. Tim Jennings for one. Like, just go away, Jennings! Find something else to do down there in Roswell. If only I could get rid of him and that Michael Sanchez trouble maker. Can’t Valencia County find someone else to send to Santa Fe?
Look, the odds are stacked against me anyway. How are you going to steer the ship of state sharp right when you have a House stacked against me? Same in the Senate. Gads! But if I could eliminate a couple of the major Democrat drumbeaters, like Jennings and Sanchez, maybe I would stand a chance.
I got my boys working on it. My main man Jay McCleskey has his Reform NM Now PAC running a nasty campaign against Sanchez and Jennings. Tough going for us in both races, I guess. Jennings has been coming to Santa Fe since the ’70s. He’s been in Roswell almost as long as the aliens. I mean, he doesn’t tour the UFO Museum, he’s in it! Popular? Even Republicans like this guy!
So they got this kid, Cliff Pirtle, running against Jennings. Maybe, I don’t know, mid-20s. When I first met him at a meet and greet, I thought he was the waiter. But he’s a tea party guy and those folks have pulled off some real flip-flops. Here’s hoping, Lord.
Well, Lord, as long as we are chatting, I need to ask you again to help me with the Keith problem. He is a really smart guy and very loyal to me. But it is just that …
What’s that you say, Lord, Keith who? Gardner. He is my chief of staff. Yes, Lord, that one. Yes, I know, he is a potty mouth. We’ve talked about that and I remember you said potty mouth is potty mouth, private telephone conversation or not. He should not have called Tim Jennings a … well … those really dirty words. Yes, Lord, you got that right, I sure am blushing.
The thing is, Lord, he can’t seem to stay out of trouble. Now some lady who represents Albuquerque Public Schools is accusing him of confronting her at the statehouse with harsh words while yanking at her arm. He says it is all a lie hatched by political motivations. I want to think that, too, Lord, but I do wish you would work on Keith’s temper. I keep asking for you to send a sign and I am waiting.
(As she drifts into a restless sleep, winds howl, deafening thunder rocks the mansion, a luminous glow lights the bedroom, and a booming voice startles the governor awake: )
“SUSANA! GET RID OF HIM!!”
Ned Cantwell – email@example.com – sometimes hears voices.