Football, politics and flat tires

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Let us set aside this first weekend of 2013 to concentrate on the country’s most pressing issue. Does Notre Dame have a prayer of beating the spread against Alabama in Monday night’s national football championship?

Let us set aside this first weekend of 2013 to concentrate on the country’s most pressing issue. Does Notre Dame have a prayer of beating the spread against Alabama in Monday night’s national football championship?

While we the jury ponder that weighty matter, it might be appropriate to remind ourselves the New Mexico Supreme Court is pondering issues surrounding a district court ruling that an Internet website hooking up girls with guys for money is not a house of prostitution. Not to trivialize the legalities, but that is pretty much akin to arguing Amazon is not a book seller.

There are other issues that need attention, including CNN’s seeming intent to lower our collective cultural taste to levels more commonly associated with fraternity house toga parties. How else to explain the network’s willingness to give sluttish, vulgar Kathy Griffin a national platform? The mean-spirited, classless comic hosted the New Year’s Eve party with Anderson Cooper, tarnishing his journalistic credentials and insulting the sensitivity of all but those who think it’s really fun to leave a pile of crap in an elevator.

Since there’s not much we can do about football championships or high court decisions or CNN stupidity, maybe we should use this time to reflect — yes, just one more time — on the year just passed and ask ourselves, did New Mexicans do anything really dumb last year?

We did. We sent Michelle Lujan Grisham to the U.S. Congress. From what I can glean, Michelle is smart, pleasant, reasonable, politically savvy. That’s the problem. Smart, pleasant, reasonable and savvy does not work in the Washington of today. What we need in Washington is someone with a tire slashing mentality.

We needed to send Gary Smith to Washington, and Gary sure wanted to go. Gary is a 65-year-old far right Republican who tried to get on his party’s primary ballot but failed because a district judge said he did not have enough valid voter signatures. The eventual Republican winner was Janice Arnold-Jones, who lost to Lujan Grisham.

Smith did not take defeat lightly. He slashed the tires on Janice Arnold-Jones’s Ford Expedition and her husband’s Ford F-150. I am not saying that, the Albuquerque cops are saying that.

Here’s the story. Arnold-Jones said she has spent thousands of dollars to replace and repair 19 vandalized tires so finally, on Dec. 19, set up a surveillance video. The next day, whoops, here comes Gary or someone who looks like Gary.

According to the Albuquerque Journal’s report, a police officer investigating the incident wrote: “Gary Smith can be seen wearing a leather jacket, gloves, and what appears to be pajama bottoms and slippers.” In other words, what I wear going through McDonald’s drive-thru in the morning.

The complaint says Smith stabbed eight tires and left at 3:34 a.m.

This is what Washington needs. If Michelle Lujan Grisham would slash Steve Pearce’s tires, and Steve Pearce would slash Martin Heinrich’s tires, and Martin Heinrich would slash John Boehner’s tires, and John Boehner would slash Nancy Pelosi’s tires, and Nancy Pelosi would slash Eric Cantor’s tires, and Eric Cantor would slash Harry Reid’s tires, pretty soon Washington, D.C., would be one big flat and Congress would feel like it had been screwed.

Then it might start to understand how the rest of the country feels.

Go Irish.

Ned Cantwell – ncantwell@bajabb.com – drives a blue 2009 Hyundai. Maybe.