Down the clickbait rabbit hole

Am I alone on this? You’re going on the internet to find some information you need quickly, but this time, you guessed it, it’s interminably slow. The other day it was running like sorghum molasses, like it knew I was in a hurry and wanted me to know who’s the boss by using some kind of new A.I. mindreading technology.

May I rant some more? You could be working at your computer, like, say, writing this column or something, and after a while, say to yourself, “I’ll take a break for a minute and see what’s going on in the world.”

Big mistake. I usually end up with self-loathing from spending an interminable amount of precious time I have on Earth scrolling through mind-numbing drivel on the internet.

It’s all down the clickbait rabbit hole: New Mexico drivers need to know this… You’ll never believe what happened when… This is the cutest thing ever… This is the biggest mistake you can make… Take this quiz to see which character you are on (a popular show)…

You’re spending an inordinate amount of time clicking through multiple pages only to find the payoff article comes to nothing new, zilch, nada. Most times it’s something you already suspected. For instance, “Drink this every morning before breakfast for a healthier gut.”

Sure, we all want a healthier gut, right? So you click the link and go through a dozen “next” clicks only to find out the secret is: “water.” See what I mean?

So, as a public service, to save you time and aggravation, here’re some actual clickbait headlines you may have seen, followed by the article’s conclusion, so to speak.

• NASA responds to rumors they found alien life! (They haven’t found anything.)

• This guy tried to ‘refrigerate’ his drink with an air conditioner. This is what happened! (His drink got cold.)

• A supermassive black hole is headed for our way at 110 kilometers per second! (It will take four billion years to get here.)

• What the “someone is typing” bubbles in messaging apps actually means. (It means someone is typing.)

• Here’s what happens when you send garlic bread to the edge of space and then eat it. (It’s cold.)

• Somebody flew a drone into a fireworks display and here’s what happened! (He got a cool video.)

• You don’t need a membership to shop at Costco anymore! (Go with someone who has a membership card.)

• Here’s the perfect thing to say when someone is rude. (“Just stop.”)

• Here’s what happens when the pavement is too hot for your dog! (It burns their feet.)

• This is what a lab-grown chicken nugget takes like. (Chicken)

• Mysterious wolf-like creature killed in Montana ID’ed through DNA test! (It’s a wolf.)

• This is why you should never drink water before bed! (Because you’ll wake up to pee.)

On second thought, I should’ve titled this article, “Your jaw will drop when you read this! You won’t believe it!”

But I digress. Next Sunday is the official first day of fall, or astronomically speaking, the autumnal equinox. It’s the time when we start thinking about bringing out those winter clothes and thicker socks, but of course, in Socorro, a winter outfit usually consists of the same shorts and island shirts some folks wear all year round.

This Saturday the Very Large Array kicks off its monthly tour of the place, a pretty comprehensive look at the place, but not as mind-boggling as simply walking up under one of those dishes in person.

Last time I got so wrapped up in just gawking, I almost forgot to take pictures. Of course, all the new photos look very similar to the ones I took the time before, but maybe, just maybe, I can get another shot that captures the awesomeness of the place. But alas, it’s not to be. You have to be there in – dare I say it – reality.

Frankly, If I had my way the VLA would be one of the Seven Wonders of Socorro County. I mean, back in school we learned about the Seven Wonders of the World. You know, the Giza pyramids, the Taj Mahal, the Colosseum, Chichen Itza, the Great Wall of China, and so forth.

Why not our own Seven Wonders of Socorro County?

The VLA would certainly be on that list, along with the Trinity Site, and Magdalena Ridge Observatory and Interferometer. And why not the Socorro Rodeo complex? I’d also add the Magdalena stockyards, the ginormous El Camino Real sculpture down Interstate 25 off the 115 exit, and Isidro Baca Park with its wall of fallen service veterans and pyramid.

Oops, that’s just six. And just for fun, I’d add the silly flying saucer at the tire shop across B Street from Circle K. Is that something tourists would oo-and-awe at? Yes? No? Maybe?